How to handle a changing body image

Body image. This is something we all have — whether it is positive or negative, we all have thoughts about our bodies. And when you’ve gone through some sort of a change physically, like weight loss or weight gain or even pregnancy, your body image is likely to change too.

Because one of the most common questions I get from women lately is about how am I dealing with my postpartum body or how I did deal with accepting my body as it changed when I was recovering from hypothalamic amenorrhea, I knew this was a post that I had to write. I’ve addressed this question in so many emails, it’s about time it lives on the blog in an in-depth way.

How to handle a changing body image

First of all, it’s not easy. And I would be lying if I told you that I was perfectly happy with the appearance of my current body, because I’m not — it’s not as lean as it once was, that’s for sure. I would also be lying if I told you I was perfectly happy with my changing body as I gained body-fat and inches while trying to overcome hypothalamic amenorrhea a couple of years ago too. (Quick side-note: In case you’ve missed my story and are unclear, hypothalamic amenorrhea is the loss of a menstrual cycle from too much stress, too much exercise or too little food. I struggled with hypothalamic amenorrhea while working as a trainer and group fitness instructor doing multiple workouts a day, and through acupuncture, changing my diet, reducing my workouts and much more, I was able to regain my cycle and ultimately get pregnant a full year later. Read more here or in my ebook.)

I want to be totally clear that when you have gained weight and your shape has changed due to recovering from something like an exercise-induced lifestyle condition, or even an eating disorder or a pregnancy, the number one thing you must do is give yourself grace. We are often too quick to point out our own flaws and fixate on the number on the scale or the fact that our leggings are a little too tight around the mid-section now. We have to pull back on the self-criticism. It’s normal to feel that way, so don’t feel bad about feeling that way, but try to approach your mindset from a different perspective. 

By the way, all in, I probably gained about 25 pounds over the course of a little over a year in order to recover from hypothalamic amenorrhea and ultimately get pregnant naturally. That’s a good deal of weight. I had to increase my body-fat in order to get my reproductive system humming again, and I stopped weighing myself regularly during this time. I grew out of the majority of my clothes. Then, I gained another 34 pounds during pregnancy on top of what I already had gained. Yes, my friends, in the course of three years, my body had MORE than 60 additional pounds on it at some points. And I’m still alive, I’m still happy and I’m still healthy. Now, let’s get to the tips …

Tips on how to improve your body image

Focus on the FEELING.

This is the tip that I employed aggressively as I was recovering from hypothalamic amenorrhea (let’s call it “HA” moving forward) and now again as I’m in the postpartum phase. Rather than focusing on trimming my waistline or fixating on the size of anything on my body, I focus on the feeling. How I feel — not emotionally — but physically and energetically. My real wellness, if you will. (Because, believe it or not, a visible six-pack has NOTHING to do with real health.)

As I started to heal my body from HA, reduce my workouts, change my diet and add some weight to my frame, I started to get a little more energy every day. I started to get better sleep, which was a game-changer. I began to feel so darn good. Because my hormones had been off for so long, I had become used to a baseline of feeling, which wasn’t my true potential — it wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t what it could be. As I healed, I realized that WOW, I felt so whole and healthy, even if my pants weren’t fitting. My skin began to glow. My digestion was fabulous. I rarely ever got a headache, which I had been so prone to when I was off balance. In fact, finding this new amazing way of feeling had me so happy, I was actually able to embrace my body and get excited to wake up refreshed each morning in the skin I was in.

And now, in the postpartum period, I try to focus on that awesome wellness feeling by eating mostly the right foods to keep me energized. I try to get as good of sleep as possible (not easy) and move around enough to feel mobile and access endorphins most days of the week so that I feel whole. And when I spend time just going after a good “feeling” — I don’t think about the appearance of my body as the goal. It’s a beautiful thing. Because then, the better you start to feel physically, the better you start to appear as well.

Buy new clothes.

This sounds so easy, right? But for some of us, it’s not. We hold onto those size x-small leggings and size 0 dresses just because we may want them again. Let’s be honest, you probably don’t need them any longer, so get rid of them. Sell them on Poshmark or on ThredUp or donate. Empty your closet of the things you don’t need any longer so they aren’t staring at you in the face. (And let me just tell you, I made a killing when I began listing all of my super small, but cute, workout wear, and that made me very happy, because I love to sell things hehehh!)

If you’ve just had a baby, I’m not saying to get rid of everything in your closet, because more often than not, you may get back into a lot of what you wore before. But I am saying that if you’ve had to gain some weight to get to a healthier place, then you hopefully won’t be going back to your much smaller size. Invest in a few new pieces, like a good pair of high-waisted jeans and high-waisted workout leggings that fit you right now. Shoving your body into older too-small clothing is not doing you any favors. Clothes are key. And this isn’t a fashion blog, but buying a few quality pieces, rather than a lot of cheap stuff, is always the way to go. Quality workout-wear hugs in all the right places, regardless of your size. Trust me on this! 

Listen to the compliments of others.

I don’t often tell you to listen to what other people say, because I usually think that we are our own best cheerleaders, motivators and teachers. However, if you’ve gained weight during a recovery or gained weight from a pregnancy, more often than not — you are being WAY too critical of yourself. This is when it’s time to listen to your friends, family, coworkers and significant other when they tell you how great you look. 

How many times have you gotten a compliment and brushed it off or completely ignored it? Well, stop. People aren’t telling you that you look great for no reason. You look great. Listen.

Do a daily bodyscan.

This is something that I haven’t perfected yet, but it goes like this: Find a comfortable place to sit or lay down so that your spine is straight. Close your eyes and think about every part of your body from the toes to the crown of the head. Address that body part in your mind, picture it, thank it, and continue up until you’ve hit all your parts. Wiggle your toes, flex your butt and activate your parts as you think about them. During this time, it’s the perfect opportunity to thank your body for all that it does.

If you’ve been working to get your cycle back, you can thank your body for normalizing, thank it for trying to recover, and thank it for giving you a second chance to live hormonally healthy. If you’re in the postpartum phase, place your hands on your tummy and verbally thank your body for growing and birthing a human being. It’s no small feat, and you need to show appreciation for it. Thank your arms for being able to carry that baby around too.

Check in with your body, notice how you feel, spend time thanking your parts and commit to speaking to yourself with positivity for all that your body does each day to help you to live a great life. 

Smile at yourself in the mirror.

Are you one to stand in front of the mirror and tear apart your reflection? Don’t! When I was recovering from HA, I definitely had trouble with negative self-talk. Then, one day, I decided to try to be more positive. I think I had just come home from a great acupuncture session and was feeling positive about my hopes for healing, and I stood in front of the mirror and just smiled. Wow. It felt good. I started to do this more and more. A smile goes a long way — both to make other people feel happy when you see them and they need some kindness — and to make yourself happy when you look into the mirror.

And now, it’s so easy to smile at myself in the mirror, new body and all, especially when I have little Brady in my arms — arms which may not have as much definition as they did before, but serve an even more important role than ever in my life.

As you begin to start a smiling practice in the mirror, it’s the perfect time to take those positive mantras and that gratitude you’ve established for your body from your bodyscans. It’s all coming full circle here, you see. Be nice to yourself. Be a friend to yourself. And so on. And so on.

Focus on performance, not aesthetics.

If you are in the postpartum phase and still seeing some extra weight and general flab, it’s easy to think you may as well quit working out, because you’ll never get back to where you were. But I disagree. Now is the perfect time (once you’ve gotten the okay from your doctor and you’re six weeks out from childbirth, of course) to start to focus on your performance, rather than your aesthetics. You have so much to gain!

Say you set a goal to power walk at a fast pace for 10 minutes and you reach that. Then you add on another 5 minutes and you reach that. Then you try to do a plank on your toes for 1 minute, then you are able to add on another 1 minute. Instead of trying to get into your old workout wear, try to create athletic improvement from where you are now, and you’ll be focusing on something much more positive. (And even though you will have lost a lot of strength and endurance during pregnancy, you’ll find that you can gain it back quite quickly when you start exercising again.) 

How does performance relate to body image? Believe it or not, when you start to get proud of your performance gains, you immediately start to speak more kindly to your body and to yourself. No matter how small those performance gains are, by the way.

And how does this relate to someone who may be limiting their working out due to trying to recover from HA? You can go after your own gains with flexibility or mobility work. Try doing gentle yoga and seeing if you can start to get deeper into stretches days in and days out, or begin to work on inversions or backbends to really open up your body. There’s always work to be done, and none of it needs to be done to the extreme or detriment of your hormones.

Be proud to be a woman, a shapely woman, at any size.

This is where I don’t want to lose you, but something I started to learn to appreciate as I was recovering from HA and began to get more into Eastern medicine and research on hormones: Women are meant to be shapely and fertile looking. This day in age, with so many Instagram fitness celebrities rocking their straight ripped bodies, we can forget that the modern definition of beauty is not like it once was.

This is not to say that naturally thin or athletic women’s bodies aren’t beautiful. They ARE. This is to say that all types of women’s bodies are beautiful. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need to look like all the Instagram stars with 1 million followers look like. You need to look like you. You need to look like you look, if you physically feel good. (See the first point in this post, if you need a reminder.) 

This is a big world, and there’s room for every body type. So learn to embrace your womanly curves or lack thereof, because they’re perfect.

Try not to glamorize your former body.

Don’t glamorize your former body. What does that mean? It means that where you are now, well — realize that you’ve done a lot to get there. If you are recovering from HA, then you are creating a more friendly place in your body for your hormones to regulate and your natural cycle to take over. And that’s how it should be — it’s how your body should be working. So your current body is the one you want, not the old body, which may have been a bit trimmer — but it was not functioning properly.

The same goes for you postpartum ladies. Your body NOW is the one that grew and birthed your child or children. So THIS is the body you want to be in. It may not look like it used to look, but it’s been through a lot and has brought so much into your life. 

It’s so easy to think about how you “used to look” and wish you were back there again. But in reality, when your body changes due to healing from a condition or from growing a human, the body you really want to be in is the one that’s put in the work. Thank this body. Thank it right now. Because even if it hasn’t fully recovered yet, it’s trying really hard, and you’ve got to let it.

You are more than your body.

Bodies are vessels, but you are here on this planet to be more than just a body. Make sure you are not equating your self worth with your size or even your appearance at all. In fact, once again, if you go back to focusing on feeling good, you will be able to be more proud of your body, but also know that as a person — you are way more than just what you see in the physical world. You have a sense of humor. You have intelligence. You have talents. You are loved. You are a soul. You are so much. Never forget that! 🙂 

That should do it for now, my friends. And I know, all of this is much easier said than done. So take baby steps to get there.

I want to thank you for reading this post. It’s not a simple one to write, because I know how sad it can be for so many women to feel like they’re no longer in the shape or condition that they want to be. We are in a society where looks, appearance and being a small fit size are given so much importance. And sadly, appearance is fleeting, shallow and does NOT bring true happiness. You know what brings happiness? HEALTH!

I think that being healthy is the best thing you can do for yourself, and you have to remember that being healthy has nothing to do with what size clothes you wear or how visible your muscles or cheekbones are. So go out there and be good to your body, my friends. Eat some veggies. Eat some treats, but not too many. Drink a lot of water. Move around. Seek out quality sleep. Rely on your community. Thank your body for all that it does. And know that you’re doing the best you can to find true health! And THAT’s real beauty.

Learn to love yourself! Here's how to address a changing body image on A Lady Goes West ... Click To Tweet

Here are some other posts you may enjoy:

• Life after recovering from hypothalamic amenorrhea
• How I’ve approached my postpartum fitness
• What I’m doing to have a healthy postpartum recovery
• My journey to get pregnant and how I overcame hypothalamic amenorrhea
• What it’s like to get acupuncture and why you may need Traditional Chinese Medicine

Questions of the day

Have you ever struggled with your body image?

What’s a tip that you use to feel better about yourself?

Do you have a positive self-love mantra?